Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a nervous system disability—not a behavioral problem. Individuals with PDA, both children and adults, experience an intense, neurological need for autonomy, which often shows up as an avoidance of everyday demands. This avoidance is not rooted in defiance or opposition. Rather, it is a protective response from a highly sensitive nervous system that perceives demands—even simple or routine ones—as threats to safety and control.

When demands trigger this threat response, the nervous system may go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—making it difficult or impossible for the individual to comply without experiencing distress. This is not a choice or a sign of poor behavior; it is a regulation issue, not a discipline one.

People with PDA often thrive in environments that recognize and honor their neurological wiring. At Mustard Seed, we focus on creating low-demand, high-trust spaces where nervous systems can settle. Through co-regulation—the shared experience of emotional safety and attunement between adults and children—we help reduce threat responses and foster true connection.

We also use declarative language, a gentle communication approach that invites collaboration and reduces pressure. Instead of giving direct commands ("Put your shoes on"), we offer information and shared observations ("I noticed it's getting cooler outside. I’m grabbing my jacket.")—allowing the child to engage without feeling controlled.

At Mustard Seed, our mission is twofold:

• To raise awareness and understanding of PDA as a legitimate neurodevelopmental disability, rooted in nervous system sensitivity—not defiance.

• To create supportive, co-regulating environments that prioritize emotional safety, autonomy, and acceptance, so PDA individuals feel seen, respected, and free to be themselves.

We believe that with the right support and a deep understanding of how PDA works, every individual can thrive—in their own way, and on their own terms.